It was my final year in high institution, I really wanted to go for National Youth Service Corps. Sometimes when we want big things, we
It all started during my HND 1 second semester examination. We were in the hall writing our statistics examination, it was actually solving algebraic problems. Though it wasn't my area or course of study, it was a complementary course, when I was solving the problem on my statistics table, one of the securities came and collected it. Immediately he reported to the invigilator that I wasn't supposed to scrabble anything outside my examination answer booklet.
When I was trying to explain my innocence. "I don't engage in malpractice. It's not part of me. I wonder how others are doing it but I never thought of doing this?" I tried to explained. He insisted and called the invigilator instead, after long argument and delay. I was agitated and worried as the invigilator took my answer booklet and gave me a new answer booklet to start afresh, it was less than an hour for submission. I was frustrated and flustered that I couldn't get hold of myself, I was restlessly confused and couldn't concentrate because I felt badly treated.
I felt discouraged and lacked concentration, many things were going on in my mind that I couldn't control it. But I managed to scrabble something on the paper but it wasn't enough. I knew it wasn't enough to give me the grade letter I wanted.
So the result came out exactly the weekend we were supposed to start our second semester examination. How was I going to write the semester's examination. My world was shattered, I was in deep thoughts and frustration. Nothing could be done about it, it had happened and examination was going to take place. I was surprised to note I had a problem on that course. "Statistics again!" They actually filed a malpractice form and reported me to the statistics lecturer without my knowledge, I had to sit for it again. It wasn't funny when I saw this. I prayed against this. "Why now, my final," I cried profusely.
Self-love, my liege, is not a sin as self-neglecting. Shakespeare
Dealing with my sad moments was very difficult. I hated myself. I could say I was being unreasonable about life. I thought it was the end of the road for me, forgetting that there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Though some tunnels just happen to be longer than others. I felt I couldn't face tomorrow. I also forgot that no matter what one is going through, the challenges of life, it is just for the moment, it will pass anyway. I withered like a dead leaf and was hard on myself and people around me.
It was my worse nightmare. I was becoming so thin. I was always looking wary, worried with my sponge hair, looking so unkempt. I couldn't take care of myself even. The weekend I saw the result I felt I should die. I was dead spiritually, I wasn't being my normal myself. When I managed to sleep I woke up with the worse nightmare. I wished it never happened. I wished it was reversible. It was like a stigma that I would live with the rest of my life.
Reading for my final year examination was really difficult. I couldn't explain why it all happened at the wrong time. When I should happily take my final examination and celebrate my five years in high institution, I was busy figuring out how to deal with this unforeseen circumstance that befell me. I was in a bad mood and it left me with sad memories.
The day we took our final paper, I should be happy but I wasn't. My mind was still wandering how to solve the problem with the lecturer. All my course mates jumped out of the hall, jubilating. "NYSC calling! NYSC calling!" and many beautiful wishes they wrote on white T-shirts they wore, some customized it while others used pen or marker to design on their T-shirts. Most of them really prepared very well for the jubilation, they bought black jacket and made it corporate looks because they separated themselves in different groups. Each group with its cartel. Later they scattered themselves. Some went to Eldorado resort centre, Terminus fried and other recreation suites, amusement parks and hostels for celebration galore few left to their various hostels.
It was as if my own was the worse. I was looking so cold and worn-out. At that point happiness was absent in my life. I found my final papers very easy, though I didn't know how it happened but God was involved I believed.
In everything give thanks to God for this is the will of God concerning you in Christ Jesus.
I really acknowledged God's hand was in all the circumstances I was going through yet as human I couldn't stop apportioning blame on myself for the problem I was facing. It was as if I were dead already. "Why me?" was the only question that was coming in my head. I was so calm during their jubilation, they were also gloating over their successful five years in the high institution. But I never had the urge to celebrate it at all. I felt I was a failure already.
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be ignited. Plutarch
Meanwhile, as the celebration was going on, I went to Mrs. Atasie for counseling. Mrs. Atasie, a lecturer I ran to whenever I had to talk to someone about my academic challenges. She was my mentor. She said I should forget about Mr. Kalu and sit for the examination again. That Kalu would never give me more than grade "C" if he decided to change his mind. He did the act of wickedness to get to me and I knew it. But I stubbornly decided to go see him. "Sir why did you deny me of my score in Statistics?" I asked. "You think the world has come to an end," he said.
I couldn't stop to read meaning out of that statement. Those words really baffled me but I have never offended him in any way, I would he wish me pain "What does he mean," I kept wondering. It really stung me and it broke my heart. Suddenly, a dawned realization came to me that he knew what he did, and his act was deliberate. He was mocking at me seeing how thin and emaciated I was looking at that moment. I knew I had gone through hell because of his wicked actions.
I didn't want to start any protocol of reporting him to the management, I had to meet another lecturer. So I sat for the examination in the guide of group B lecturer Mr Anderson Nwobi because I was in group A. It was after sitting for this examination that I began to regain myself because before then I was going through mental depression. I saw life in another circle, the angle I was seeing it was quite different from the usual.
If I shoot at the sun, I may hit a star. P.T. Barnum
I think I skipped a part when I shared my previous story "how I almost lost my sanity". As thrilled as I was to have another challenge—NYSC deployment issue.
I had earlier processed the forwarding of my statistics result to the exams and records for computation.When I went to "exams and records" for collection of result, one female staff rushed out of the office holding results in her hand. "Who is Hopeline Azuka Mbadugha?" I looked worried, looking directly on her lips, flagging my eyebrows, looking curiously to hear why she asked about the name. "I have never worked on a result like this since we started with your class. The result is awesome," she hurriedly entered into the office of the head of department (HOD). I was happy to see that my letter for statistics was "B" though I expected "A" or "AB".
The moment you start seeing life in a new but different and positive angle, your life begins to change.
When I collected my result what I saw was Higher National Diploma "CGPA 3.28". I was very excited that I graduated with strong upper credit. At least I made it bigger this time than my National Diploma "CGPA 3.15" Finally I am good to go for National youth Service Corps at the same time, batch and stream with my course mates. I was going to serve the same time with my mates. Mr. Kalu thought he was going to delay me with his course.
Don't ever give up on life because of what you are going through at the moment, it will pass with time.
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