Childhood sad memories are not easily forgotten. While growing up, I was a very fair, plumping, sweet looking little baby. Everyone that saw me
wouldn't pass without a compliment. "Such adorable little bouncing baby girl," they would say. My mom said that people loved to carry me around because I was also looking healthier and rich. "Though we were not rich but anyone who saw you would ask, 'hope her father is rich?'" Said my mom.Sadly, when I stop crawling and began to walk all by myself I loved to follow mom and dad anywhere they were going. At times it could be irritating but every sensitive parent should understand it is the nature of kids. At three I was disturbing. Once I woke up from sleep, my good morning to mom was always "Why is my daddy? Why is my daddy?" I would quickly ask, removing my bed wetting clothes and ran out of the house to look for dad.
In my case it was not so. Instead I received harsh and maltreatment from dad. This inflicted pains and left me an indelible bad feelings. Yet I was always coming to him, forgiving and forgetting his ill treatment would always chose to go close to him than mom but he kept pushing me, a little innocent girl away like I was the cause of his pains and penury.
Let not young souls be smothered out before they do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride. Vachel Lindsay
I was always demanding, asking my dad to give me biscuit. You know how kids can be on someone's nerves when they desperately want something, my case wasn't so different. So every morning I would ran after him to buy biscuit for me. And anytime I did this, hot slaps were what I would receive. Those slaps were heavy on my ears as a little girl of three who had a very soft, tender body. I would hallucinate stars falling down my eyes and ears. Yet that wouldn't stop me from asking for biscuit the next day.
Every wise man should adore any little child and treat them with respect because they are heritage of the Lord. But in my case I was badly treated. My dad was brutal and beastly to me, I couldn't say why. If a man was poor let him not unleash his poor angry life on a little child. I was treated like I committed offence by coming into his home and life. Launching your anger on a little child won't change your annoying or poor situation instead you are leaving bad and sad memories to the child which is going to leave forever with the child. The brutality a child got especially from a parent or parents always serves as stigma in the life the child. They grow up with it. Whenever they remember it, they would have sad feelings and hurt.
It was enough to hate him and deny him my father because that was mean, insensitive and unmanly of him. I began to have ear pain while growing up. His action made me to be disposed to irritable, fret and anxiety. Most times I would complain of ear pain and he would be the person to get me ear drops and mom would say, "When you always slapped her then, I used to warn you. I even told you what that did to my father. It affected his ear drum and he suffered difficulty in hearing till date. That was the cause of a slap he received from his master when he was a serving boy," my mom always say. "I didn't know what a little child did to you that would result to slapping her as if she was an adult. An innocent child that never knew what she was doing. Only asking for biscuit. Why not flog her instead of giving her hot slaps all the time," that was a show of wickedness and inhumanity. My mom frowned at it.
What most parents don't seem to understand is that children are so priceless. Those who don't have one pray to have but those who have been blessed with so many treat them like they are nothing but commodities. They kill them and give themselves another as if they were life givers.
If only some parents knew the significance of children and how lucky they are to be blessed with even one, they would not only be careful but raise them in a godly way. Just like the Psalmist. Children are an inheritance from the Lord. They are a reward from him. Children are a gift from the Lord, a productive womb. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Torturing a child because she was disposed to demanding from you all the time is not a act of wisdom.
I was surprised to always hear from him whenever I did any little thing that didn't even call for brutal response. He would start threatening of giving me the slaps I received earlier while growing up. He was so proud of his actions. I never thought of having such a parent who would be so mean to his own daughter who had never disrespected him before. Not only had she had good thought for her family but who had chosen to be preserving, not to tarnish the image of the family; brushing aside passes men made at her everyday just to protect the image and pride of the family.
What I never expected from him was the embarrassment I received from him everyday. Because I was still living with them and not married yet. I didn't cause my unmarried life but fate. Fate got me so many shame and humiliation from my parents, brother and wife. The way my dad and mom embarrassed me in the present of people, my sister in law. Remember my story of how they never wanted me to serve until Uncle Charles my mom's cousin came and helped to deploy me to Anambra State for my National Youth Service Corps How I almost lost my sanity.
I never received any sincere empathy except from my younger brother. After my ugly encounters from lectures My only comfort when I was about to give up on life. I couldn't believe I would be treated this way by my parents. After the Trauma I had been through.
When my sister in-law came into our family, I loved her and thanked God for giving me that sister I had long prayed for. I never knew I had got an enemy for myself to add salt to my injury. On her wedding day, I knew how I helped my elder brother in his wedding but the attitude I received from her that day, I ignored, thinking that it could be usual stress brides get on their wedding day. She was so full of herself and I didn't know why. Little wonder the saying; that those who are prominent never show shoulder high but those riff raff do.
I could imagine the insults I received from her everyday. The worse case was that I was still living with my parents; and my brother and wife living with us was a terrible nightmare. I did all the house chores, I cooked, then she would do the eating. My elder brother was supporting his wife. I knew I had no luck of early marriage but his wife did. She was just a secondary schools holder, seen in the village and recommended to my elder brother by my dad, I supported their marriage. But those shows she put up were absolutety uncalled for.
Being the only daughter in a family of four children could be boring, so I prayed for one, a sister. She came and began with rudeness, pride, insults, and non challant attitudes which always left me with worries, tears and sadness. In the morning I would wake up and sweep the compound while she would lie in bed, sleeping with her husband. I would wash the dishes before she could wake up, only to eat.
Nobody is born saint, at a point mortal being proves mortal.
I began to agitate. I was caught up with fret and anger, that I couldn't control my worries. I began to complain of her overbearing behaviour. She was so naughty and nasty; she neither respected her father in-law nor mother in-law. I sobbed like a little girl everyday. Always asking God, "why me" I despised being alive to witness all this just because I was still single. I was once mocked to go and marry my own husband. There wasn't a day I stayed in that house happy. I began to live a miserable life. No flesh on my body, dry skin, always looking wary and hungry no matter how much food I consumed.
The greatest problem you have is not being at peace with yourself. Lucky PYman
I couldn't imagine me going through all this in such a short time. It wasn't funny. I found no peace with myself and people around me. I could say there were a number of reasons for not being at peace with myself.
I was unhappy with how I was living my life and the person I was living as. I wasn't satisfied with my lifestyle. I wasn't considering my wellness and health. I was living an unhealthy lifestyle that fostered negativity. I was egotistical and was busy considering what people would say of me if I fail in life and what people were saying about me. I never engaged in the mindset of personal growth. Never focused in the improvement of my life in all areas—which includes health, relationship, understanding and tolerance and so on and so forth. I looked at life as a do-die affair. I couldn't control my emotions. I felt physically, emotionally and psychologically depressed and oppressed by people around me, thereby living a hostile life that almost mar the beauty of my body.
Why you have not started is because you have not focused.
I really wanted to live on my own. I decided that I was going to leave the family house. But looking at things I would be more vulnerable to men then than I had ever been. That was my utmost fear and regret. Then I decided to go to Owerri to live with my immediate elder brother.
The only thing that can earn you people's respect is self worth.
I was dismayed and in disarray because I never imagined being single at my late twenties. Being a graduate, and a writer couldn't fetch me a responsible husband. My lifestyle was affecting me badly and hurting me too. I was too reserved and was not ready to give any man chance to love me. I wasn't ready to stop living a religious and Godfearing life. It was as if I was putting up "a holier than thou attitude", scaring men away. Fearing and obeying God's words comes with responsibility I must say.
Now, I complained of her ill behaviour and my dad would support her against me. The worse case scenario was the moment he threatened to blow all my teeth out anyday I slapped my sister in-law. Yes I knew I was saying all those out of anger telling my mom how I was going to slap her someday, but it was from a bitterest heart and frustration I was never going to touch or fight her because that would be insulting my life.
Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant, and interesting. Aldous Huxley
The last time I checked I was still battling with my ear pain and now he threatened to pluck out all my teeth from my mouth? I was shocked and surprised. He never respected my adulthood, he still talked to me like a little girl. I realized it was because I was not married. This led me to a state of coma. I began to detest the air I breathe. "So a father could be this supportive of another man's daughter against his only daughter for complaining of a unfair attitude?" For supporting evil, I started to plan on getting a place to move on. I starved myself for days, praying for death to come. The third day I almost fainted. I was about to collapse after taking my bath that morning but thank goodness I managed to support myself with a wooden chair close to me. Perhaps I didn't deserve the life I had. In spite, of all inspirational and motivational books I had been reading over the years I still couldn't motivate myself with the lessons I had learnt. I felt I was going through emotional imbalance and I knew all I needed was emotional security to end the frustration.
Whenever I remember the irritable treatment I received from my dad, I asked God "why me". Being an irascible girl, easily blowing up in rage when someone brushes into me, I couldn't take it easy. I can imagine what single ladies out there, who are of the age of marriage but not yet married are going through in the hands of their sisters in-law and especially the ones still living with their parents. "This could be heartbreak. I have fallen away. It isn't easy to cope and tolerate. Will I ever miss them when I am away?" I always thought. But then, here is my advice, always ask for God's help to help you understand and tolerate.
However, talking of how I had ugly experiences while growing up, the pain I got from my immediate elder brother which left a mar scar on my left tip toe. That was an accident but he was cunning and my mom believed he purposely did it to inflict pain on me and he succeeded. We were kids playing with burning fire and he used a stick and picked a burning nylon which dripped on my left tip toe. Reminisce of my past memories always leave me with tears, pain, and hurt. Though this made us to live like cat and dog while growing up anyway; but it changed absolutely nothing.
If you didn't know how to pet or pamper a child, you don't have what the child is asking for, why hurting them. Just let the child be. You can always take the child to the mother and go out, instead of bruising the child. What can a little child possibly ask if not bubble juice, chocolate, biscuit, juice, popcorn, lollipop, ice cream? Children are innocent sweet souls, that bring nothing to our homes but only blessings to you when you treat them kindly.
Don't miss our next story, stay updated with us. Thank you!
Read previous posts
Comments
Post a Comment