Our plan may be shattered and our life battered bruised but not a broken paperback.
Batch A stream 1, left camp one week after they entered camp because of the Corona Virus in 2020 and theirs was contrary to other Batches but we didn’t know if we were to say they missed camp experience or it was their luck. They only camped for one week before the passing out parade from camp. Corps members began to give them names like, "premature corps members", "corona corpers", "half breed", "unfortunate corpers", "unqualified corpers" but to me they were fortunate just that they couldn’t tell the story of what National Youths Service orientation camp was about. They really missed because persons like me, the only thing I enjoyed during my NYSC was NYSC orientation camp experience. For me it was awesomely great experience.
It is good to know that life is not perfect, we may have been in the wrong path all we need to do is to retreat our steps. I had plans already. I never scheduled to meet Batch A stream 1. Because I knew how crowded the house would be. And most times couldn't even contain them. I began to think how to cope with such inconvenience. But It was a shattered plan. Meanwhile, when they arrived at Redeemed Christian Corpers fellowship family house, RCCF, I was overwhelmed with fear of the congestion because at first when I heard that Samson, the new papa who succeeded Gabriel asked us to contribute for entertainment of Batch A steam 1. Actually it was first time to have batch A stream 1, other times it was batch A only, batch A didn't have stream 1 and 2, but Batch B and C have always had stream 1 and 2..., meanwhile, they didn’t arrive the local government on time because it was an emergency passing out parade. Everything was happening so fast.
That morning I had issue with Gbemisola, the then new mama that succeeded Mary. Prior to the arrival of batch A stream 1, it was one week since the Batch A stream 1 entered camp. One sad Wednesday morning news came from Umuawulu orientation camp in Amawbia, Awka that Batch A stream 1 was passing out that day. I was shocked but the supposed date was 30th of March because it was supposed to be a three week camp and not one week? and I had planned it that school would vacate on or before that date but this change had really affected my plans badly because I couldn’t have myself stay for miserable days in a stuffy room. The room was one room, we were five female corps members in that room already after the others had got apartments and moved out. Read, how I almost lost my sanity and you read also my only comfort when I was about to give up on life
Now Gbemisola was in the room after the morning devotion called "open heaven". That morning when Samson the new papa announced it and pleaded with us to contribute little token for welcoming reception party of Batch A stream 1. I returned to the room, I was lying down thinking on how I was going to cope. Suddenly she entered and started talking to Mary, Stephenie and Jane. “See everybody has to control itself because as this new batch A stream 1 arrival had been announced and it is sudden and we are not prepared,” she continued. “This mattress that Hope has been lying would be shared by two people.”
I knew she was at it again to provoke me to anger, so I flamed up, “Are you okay, this single person mattress that couldn’t contain a fat person just that I am have lost weight it won't have been containing me, is that what you are saying will be shared by two persons. Your head is not correct,” I said. “My friend that is how it has always been done. Perhaps it is because you have not been present during the previous times we welcomed other batches,” she said. “Wait, are you in any way referring to me as "my friend" in that insulting tone? What arrogant! You are stupid!. Just get out of my sight,” I yelled at her angrily.
"Are you not my friend, are you my enemy? You are very stupid,” she abused me. As I rained abuses and insults on her, she was talking back at me. Then she began to banter words with me. I later realized myself to keep my guard and ignored her as she continued ranting. When she left to the kitchen, I couldn't keep my cool, as this kept boiling in me that I began to scorn again, talking to the three girls in the room in a loud and angry voice, telling them to warn her because if it weren’t family house I would have dealt with her. I would have got no option than to slap her. I now realized that the girls especially Mary and Gbemisola were bent at seeing me live miserable in RCCF family house. I was growing thin and neck bones on my neck growing very obvious.
Through tick and thin learn to endure.
I was living with those girls in that family house through many difficult times over a long period of time. I never stopped experiencing discomfort in RCCF family house because people around me always wanted to make me feel miserable. Those two girl, Mary from Akwa-Ibom State and Gbemisola from Ekiti State. They ended up poisoning the minds of other girls and male corps members living in the family house. The two girls continued this torment like they were blood suckers. I got to know their evil plots to destroy my name when Mary tried to poison the heart of ex corps member who visited. Paradise was from Urobo, "I later realized you are a good person, Mary told me a lot of bad things against you but I wasn't in a hurry to digest and judge you so I decided to come close to you," she continued. "I now learned you are a nice person," she confessed.
As soon as the new corps members arrived in the house, they would begin their gossip. "Hope is always feeling special than others. Feeling like she is better than everyone else. She doesn't eat in the family house. She buys food from fastfood, bla bla bla" Though, the reason wasn’t farfetched, it was simply because I was always acting differently from them and staying on my own. Could it be pride? I never knew but one thing I know for sure is that I am full of myself and arrogant too. Though I don't insult people and don't look out for other people's trouble.
I know my weaknesses; I don't have tolerance, I always nag and a little bit jugdemental, especially when I have learned you are not living a moral life. So I found it difficult to associate with them especially when I got to know about their secret adventures; their amorous escapades with male corps members and non corps members. Gbemisola and Gabriel the former house leader known as "house papa" were secretly having affair, it was obvious that Mary complained jealously behind Gbemisola most times.
By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it. Joseph Collins
But then it was so unfortunate, the harder I tried to avoid troubles and to make them friends, the more the conspire against me. As things were going, if those two girls had seen what could kill me they would have done that long time. I got the most shocking words of my life, "You think it is only a girl who doesn't know a man that is the most righteous?" I could not stop thinking about it. I never remembered discussing my relationship or love life with her nor anyone in the house, so where are those words coming from? This inflicted more fear in me. I began to thought that one day, I might go to bed and they strangle me or even gang up to hurt me.
I never stopped experiencing discomfort because people around me wanted me to feel miserable. This happened that even when I wanted to join their conversations they wouldn’t let me in. They wouldn't want me to know what they were discussing about. Just like the other day, Stephenie, Mary and Gbemisola were having ladies talk "gist", and Jane was left out because it wasn't a moral conversation and they were employing slangs. But when I and Jane wanted to join, they wouldn’t let us. The mocked at us, teasing that we were not mature enough for such talks, imagine! I took it as an insult but laughed it away. I easily brushed aside such irritating words but not when you get on my nerves.
Stephenie was always looking for my trouble after they had poisoned her mind too. She was from Calabar, a single mother, who had a baby out of wedlock and was proud to say that she had affair with the Local Government Inspector (LGI). One day she pushed away my bags from where I put it. I knew she was actually acting based on what Mary must have told her about me just to get on my skin because for her to have discussed me with Paradise, she had obviously been discussing me with every other female corps member and even male corps members except they didn't come to the family house. I was their everyday topic for discussion. I understood they were doing all this just to dissuade me from feeling great and to cause me pain and depression. I had discomfort moments living in that house. But I couldn't lose my self confidence and couldn't stoop low to allow their actions get to me or reduce my standard. I still lived on my high standards.
There was this youth programme which was held by oil and gas company, no doubt Samson had been announcing it, money would be given to the youths after the free seminar and even certificates would be issued to every corps member by the end of the Seminar. My heart wasn’t at ease to attend, besides all I had wanted was leaving that house for good. If it was flying and to sleep in the air I would have done that for the rest of my service year.
They were all dressing for the Seminar but I wasn’t showing any sign of attending. Mary couldn’t go because she had passed out, what she was still doing in the family house for almost three weeks after their batch had their POP I wouldn’t know. I guessed she had a mission unaccomplished but before then I had to leave the family house so that she could kill herself and not me. My mind was filled with thoughts everyday I woke up to see myself in RCCF family house. I wasn't at peace at all. At times, I had self pity, my bad for abiding by the rules of my parents and younger brother.
As they were preparing, Gbemisola said LGI called her, they had to pay the Igwe of NIMO a royal visit as corps members. She claimed she was among the delegates, and from there she had to go to market to procure some foodstuff, I was busy ransacking my bag to find my ATM card and later locking my bags and putting things in order before I left the family house to Oye-agu market to buy some things. I wished them ‘good luck’ I knew they would have said what they wanted the time I left the house but I was used to their side talks and gossips. My back had taken deadly words, if their words were weapons my back would have been destroyed but it was good for someone like me who was not willing to live the lives of others, neither willing to live a life to please others.
I wasn’t surprised when they returned with #2000 each after giving CLO #1000 from it. They were murmuring. It was obvious they gave him the agreed #1000 with grudge and bitterness. But that was greed because during the announcement it was #1000 as agreed to give the CLO as mobilization.
I looked through the window to check my top and white short which I hanged outside. I could only see my top that was there, I couldn’t find the short. It saddened my heart that many ugly incidence had happened to me that same day. I began to raise alarm. It was Emma who tried to calm me, he mentioned taking shorts out from the sun I persuaded him to show me where they were. He took me to the so called executives room, I saw my short together with the guys shorts. I tried to identify mine because there were many white shorts.
Shortly, I pushed the gallon of water. The yellow keg I filled with water was empty. I wandered what wrong I had done to everybody that day. Since morning it had been from one problem to the other. It was like juju “So you all are bent at seeing me screaming, talking and complaining," Samson called me but I never answered because I was unhappy. I poured the little water and took my bath. "I have never had rest in the family house until now. What actually have I done to this people? Why would they want my discomfort. Am I the only quiet, soft and kind hearted girl that has chosen to do her thing different from the usual way of doing things?” I cried in my heart.
I thought family house was supposed to be a peaceful and godly house not a house of gossips and troubles, wicked attitude, hatred and envy. I had seen defiling acts, amoral activities going on, jealousy and backbiting.
It was funny, batch A stream 1 arrived around 7pm late in the evening. They were about sixteen corps members. But that night I only noticed the eight female corps members in the room. It was horrible. I couldn't imagine sleeping in that stuffy and God forsaking one room with eight corps members. This was my first time experiencing this after the welcome ceremony I had in NCCF when we passed out from camp but NCCF had a more conducive environment with necessary facilities like running watering, the bathroom also had shower and pool inside but the room wasn’t that wide which was the reason I couldn't return to NCCF. Because I heard RCCF had a wider room and accommodation.
I kept apportioning blame on my parents and siblings who kept advising me to stay here. I know I wasn’t supposed to be in the family house. Besides the rent was very cheap in Njikoka. That was why every corps member packed out of the family house after staying in the family house for a short time. This left many corps members especially my batch wandering, why I had to stay in the family house even when I wasn’t eating from their kitchen. I bought food outside simply because they were cooking food that was equivalent to camp food. I couldn’t imagine myself eating camp food after camping. Besides, I didn’t trust those girls, their evily attitude towards me, they were bent at hurting me.
I later realized I was standing alone. I began to get ill treatment from Gabriel because I didn’t give in to his amoral advances. He was asking me out but I didn't accept his proposal. Mary and Gbemisola were fighting me because they wanted Gabriel to notice them considering the love Gabriel was showering on me before I later turned him down.
That night I was praying for morning to come that as soon as the cock crows I would go to Chris' apartment. But I couldn’t meet his amorous desire too. I believed he was mad at me. He wasn't happy at what happened between us the last time, I visited him. First he wanted a kiss but I resisted him. In spite, of what happened, he was the only friend I had got to ease my tormenting moments off. I alwys ran to his apartment to have a fresh air. I won't be in enmity with everybody,” I concluded but I had to inform how before going. I noticed one of the new corps members wasn’t comfortable at all. She was busy all night using hand chargeable fan on herself.
Pride is the only disease known to man that makes everyone sick except the one who has it. Buddy Robinson
Pride is a thinking process clouded by self-centeredness. Pride blocks the ability to truly evaluate out lives and how arrogant we have become. It goes as far as making us judgemental and legalistic in our relationships with others. In some case loneliness is the price of pride, because people usually do not like to be around "me focused" people. When you have pride, you are always strict, mean and always "I too serious" persons.
It was one of the reasons I was having problems with those co-corpers in the family house. They felt I was always elbow up or high-shoulder. They assumed I was acting like they were not my class. They complained I was acting like I was better than everyone else, funny! "You always behave like you are better than everyone else". But I never assumed this, I was only trying to be me.
Now it was morning, they quickly dressed up to report to their various Place of Personal Assignment (PPA) before they would go to the local government to see LGI for proper orientation. I dressed up on my NYSC uniform and went to school, I have extra mural class. After this I returned to the family house. It was then I realized two new female corps members didn’t sleep in the room last night. I suspected it was those two girls that were busy asking me of apartment immediately they arrived the family house. They saw me lying on the mattress. they began to ask me about how to get apartment.
My phone rang it was Mr Ike, “Please can you help me accommodate two girls?” “sir I told you I have roommates” “I know but it is just for few days." Sir, why not tell them to join the family house" “They said they have been there but it wasn’t comfortable" he felt I had my own apartment but I never wanted to tell him I had been living in the family house. It was when he pleaded I should come out and show them house they could pay for rent because I told him I knew of a house, an apartment at Enugwu Ukwu.
I had to tell him I was at NIMO. Those girls lodged in the hotel to be there for five days at the price of #15,000 for the two girls. They still had to feed themselves. That was way too much but I still advised them to stay in the family house till Monday since they were asked to report to the teaching hospital. He thought I was living in my own apartment. He assumed as a big girl like me, I could afford it and true I could afford it but I was abiding by the rules of my parents.
“Tomorrow help me to show them the house,” he pleaded. But then he was disappointed because I was giving him excuses why I couldn’t accommodate the girls. I knew how much I spent in a day for feeding and transportation to my PPA multiplied by a week and a month. I couldn’t have had such courage to lodge in a hotel. At least I knew I didn’t have a boyfriend or man friend there to help me financially. I felt pity for them but I believed they didn’t feel pity for themselves.
Humility comes with great gain
Fortunately most of them were fast to get accommodations before travelling home for two weeks leave. I couldn’t wait to embarrass myself because those girls knew I was leaving in a family house, at least they saw me last night when they arrived and in the morning. So I thought of how to tell Ike now that I was actually living in the family house. I had to tell him the truth. I told him I was in the family house for now. But I was there because I rented apartment with a male friend at NIMO but when I saw it wouldn’t work out fine with living a male in same room, it would be same as cohabitation so I left the house only to visit there during the day but return to the family house where I rest my head at night. So I cooked this lie and it sounded so sweet but I still felt guilty. "Must I lie to protect my ego?"
I knew he was disappointed and shocked because everyone that saw me thought I was living in my own convenient apartment because they saw me as a big girl. I knew it was intimidation that made those girls in the family house to always look for my trouble. They knew I accepted to live there because I was only respect my parents and siblings because they had listened to one of my conversation with my family who pleaded I stay there. They took it up against me. I knew the reason why my family members especially my younger brother, they were protecting me, they felt if I had to live on my own apartment alone men would easily lure or hurt me. And living outside would make me vulnerable and temptation would always come on my doorstep. Because I was new to the town, I might be living in isolated neighbourhood, I could be hurt someday, since I was the type that was always staying on my own nobody would know my whereabouts. I reasoned they were saying the truth. They know my life very well and what I can do. So I had to obey them it was not difficult for me to lie to them of living in the family house while I rent apartment but I wasn’t brought up that way, I listened to their advise.
So I waited their call but they never called me. I later heard one of the girls, the leader of the gang was posted in one interior village that Idemili was better than, I couldn't even remember the name of the particular Local Government rather Jennifer who was calm was posted in Ekwulobia. This made me to agree with the saying, he who humbles himself shall be lifted but he who has pride to lift himself shall be humbled.
For courage to exist, there must be at least two conditions present. The first is danger, or fear, and the second is a cause worth fighting for. Bob Philips
I wanted to start my personal project. Though it was the seventh month of my service. I had barely five months to my passing out. Because I wasn’t comfortable all this while to concentrate, relax to carry on my project. The family house was giving me restless moments and the PPA problem, to start the second term of the academic year with much stress. It was an ugly experience. It was like someone who was just waking up the wrong time. I should have started at least the fifth or sixth month. Waiting for Mr Ngozi's response, I was running out of time. I was worried, the only thing I was planning was on how to start it. I needed someone who had the experience on how CDS projects are run to guide me.
One Thursday we went for CDS. After the morning meditation before CDS groups would be able to go to their various stands for their weekly CDS groups meeting, I returned from the eatery in the secretariat to notice that we had a visitor. It was Mr Ike aka 2nd son, "Wow I met him in camp when he came to assist Mrs Ngozi on the day of our auditioning ceremony,” I said to myself. He came to see how we were faring according to him but I believed it was Mrs Ngozi who sent Mr Ike to come and lecture us on how Personal CDS projects are run. He was talking to us on CDS and personal CDS projects. After the lectures SDG ritual activities—Apama clap, queens clap and other claps. It was always fun whenever we had to start the SDG group game and fun time.
After he had advised us on the importance of running a personal CDS and asked us to run a project, he shared his contact for easy communication.
I couldn't wait so I sent him an instant message. That was so careless of me I had his contact from camp when he shared it because I had got no peaceful moment I was not able to realize this on time or go through my camp jotter until then. We had appointment, he came to Njikoka and stopped at Eze Alias and we talked in his car. He didn't want to come again to Njikoka, the second time.
He came because we couldn't meet up the appointment we had at Aroma in Awka. It happened that he gave me directions as where to meet him at Awka when I stop at Aroma junction. I swear it was never something positive, I had a hindrance that I concluded it never wanted me to run a personal project. Perhaps it was the evil spirit from my village against my success at work. It was around the hour of 11am in the morning I left the house to Eze Alias Junction, entered a shuttle (mini bus) to stop at Awka. Finally I arrived at Aroma Junction but unfortunately I searched my purse to bring my phone but couldn’t place my hand on any of them. I begged someone to help me with his phone, he did but I searched for a related number from the SDG letter I had with me, but could neither see Mrs Ngozi nor Mr Ike phone on those papers. I scratched my head, looked up and down but no positive idea to help the situation. I believed we weren’t meant to see that day as fate had it, I concluded. Sadly, I went back to the family house.
I returned to the family house and found my phones still plugged. All this while I was worried they could pick my phones. But when I returned I had a wild breath to see my phones plugged. I remembered Gbemisola begged me to switch off the socket before leaving the house, the connection might suddenly act up as usual and to avoid any damage but luckily, none of them were back home. When I told Ike of the heart break, he promised to visit Njikoka. He was sorry for the inconvenience but he instructed I write out the projects I wanted to embark on and send to him. “This will help me know where to start. I need to go through it and possibly add something to modify it to a perfect project, hence we shall see,” he said.
I did exactly as he had instructed. He visited Njikoka one Wednesday evening, “I’m at Eze Alias Junction,” he said on phone. I was already dressed and seated on the parlour before the phone call, so I left immediately. Reaching there at the junction I was confused because he kept calling perhaps thinking I wasn’t serious or I had changed my mind on the project due to the last ugly experience I had at Aroma. When I finally saw him in his car opposite the pharmacy, I peeped owlishly through the window and he opened. It was our first meeting. He asked me the kind of projects I wanted to run after explaining, the second time, he decided I come to Awka, same Aroma Junction.
Last, but by no means, courage—moral courage, the courage of one's convictions, the courage to see things through. The world is in a constant conspiracy against the brave. Its the age-old struggle—the roar of the crowd on one side and the voice of your conscience on the other. Gen. Douglas MacArthur
My arrival at Aroma junction in Awka, based on his direction I entered the place it was "Oasis Joint" but when he came there, he took me to a hotel, I didn't know why he wasn't comfortable with the open environment of the joint, he relocated to the other hotel opposite it which was Indigo hotel. I wasn’t scared at all. I was very confident and courageous not bothered if he was going to hurt me or if he had set a trap for me, perhaps. When we entered into the room in that hotel, it was like an official secret guest room about six guys were there.
But I noticed the room was very dark, I could barely see the faces of those young guys in that recreation room. I suddenly lost my morale, fear gripped me. I began to feel nervous, what if something wrong happened, nobody knew where I had gone to. I never told anybody at the family house. I managed to sit down on the couch close by but he insisted I push it close to him.
"Why would he want me to sit close to him? What if they hurt me?" I sat there wandering what I would tell should anything happen to me. They were about six young guys in there. And he wanted me to sit very close to him, and I did. "What is his plan?" I was agitated. "But there is no point getting agitated when you see a waitress at the bar," a voice saying within myself. Deep down in me I was ready for anything, I was ready to kill someone who would try to abuse or molest me. Suddenly, I gathered momentum.
So, Mr Ifeanyichukwu Ike began. He brought out a piece of paper and a brown fullscap paper. But decided to use the brown fullscap paper. It was then he was rewriting what I sent him early, where I described the type of personal project I wanted to run. I later felt relaxed as peace finally returned. I was relieved at least he had started to scrabble something but the other guys were busy talking to him and staring at me. Asking me questions, like "which state are you from?" one of them asked. As if he was serious, I knew all of them were players, all they needed was "a one night stand" and I wasn't that girl or a hungry corper as their normal thought about corps members. Mr Ifeanyichukwu had already left us to the rest room after saying he was pressed. I could see him trying to loose his trouser bet while walking down the rest-room. What was the feelings about? Could it be sudden erection already? This startled me a bit. "This man shouldn't try anything stupid with me," I thought.
When he finally returned, he asked me what I wanted to drink, "Nothing" I said. He wasn't persuasive about it, he was quick to give up. He continued to scrabble something on the brown fullscap paper. When I left that hotel recreation room, I gave God the praise.
Courage is not necessary when everything is going your way. Courage comes when you are facing difficulty and uncertainty. Always learn to fight for a cause worth fighting. Don't allow your emotions to control you; let your response to situations and circumstances be based on right insight, not simply on emotion.
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