I decided to open my heart to love someone and to be loved. Love is the best experience one could ever have. I was in my late teens, I had
I was scared because I couldnt different between the genuine love and fake love they were professing to me. I wanted to experience this thing called love but my only fear was fear of lust in the guise of love.
I feel that God would sooner we did wrong in loving than never love for fear we should do wrong. Father Andrew
However, love is the most important element and the foundation of the relationship you have with your life mate. We are capable of loving a close friend. Again, love represents very different emotions. The only thing that sets apart the emotion we have for a partner or a special person in our life. Falling in love is surely different than these other loves.
It is very neccessary we learn about this word love because it will help us better understand how these relationships often start out like any other emotion, but then progress to the point where both people desire a lifetime commitment together.
The best thing that ever happened to me is understanding than love is more than a feeling, and from past experience many of us like me know that fallling in love can be misleading and is often very fickle. It is like today the feeling is there and tomorrow it's gone. Most people who make decisions based on their feelings are usually unstable in other areas of their lives.
Now, we should all consider this scriptural definition of love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. NIV
It also gives us three types of love#
Eros. Eros or erotic love, is driven by our physical attraction to another individual. We feel aroused and unquenchable desire toward that person. This type of love can arrrive quickly and has a very strong appeal. Young love is usually this type of love. As men who are more visualized than women, you need to be careful as to different this as a red flag or signal in a relationship. Eros certainly has its place in a marriage relationship, and a well-rounded, intimate relationship will certainly have this type of love evident. But eros love if not discriminately used, can end up controlling your life. It is very important to indicate that it is an emotion that needs to be controlled by you.
Being scared of loving means being scared of living.
Love is life. I am afraid to love because I wouldn't want to be carried away by my senses during my early courtship. I noticed that eros love occurs and it is important in females, but it usually develops at a slower pace than with male. Female can easily control it to a certain point or level. I was afraid of going into a relationship with this guy. Was I really loving him or mere infatuation, I would'nt know. We have infatuation love. The type of love that is based on physical appearance attraction and seduction, strong feelings that seems like love but once you get close and intimate, especially intercourse, the so called love quickly disappeared from your eyes like you were blindfolded earlier.
The only thing I know was that I couldn't differentiate between love and infatuation then. If I was actually loving this Ndu guy, I wouldn't know. He was everything I wanted in a guy. He was my spec and my ideal man, so I felt and thought he was the man for man, the last man standing. He was tall, cute, chocolate in colour, apple eyes, block head, a kind of lovely voice, though he seemed to stutter slightly. It became known to my family that I love this guy but they warned me to be careful with my feelings though. They said he had been exhibiting a kind of womanizing lifestyle, known for expressing eros love to his numerous girlfriends and his romantic escapade.
Remember the choices you make today will determine the kind of marriage you will have in the years to come, so choose wisely. Choose love for a lifetime. Richard Exley
The only thing that shocked me in the relationship was when he asked me to be his lover. I had to withdraw my feelings. I tried but I couldn't. It was obvious he had eros love for me which for me was morally bankrupted of him. It showed his lack of discipline and impropriety. I still couldn't stop having feelings for him. At a point I have to stay strong and accept the fate that if he was mine, that term wouldn't have come from him and be somethkmg that can come between us. A moment of truth, his offers showed that he wasn't genuinely interested in me. I almost died of heartbreak when he finally told me, "I want you to be my lover and you refused, so why are you bugging my life." There was no sign of love in that statement and I couldn't take it.
Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand. Anyone may gather it, and no limit is set. Everyone can reach this love through meditation, spirit of prayer, and sacrifice, by an intense inner life. Mother Teresa.
Philo, philo love the second type of love here is philo and it's often referred to as brotherly love. This kind of love is one you share with a close friend. It comes about after spending a great deal of time with someone. That's why many marriage counselors recommend that courtship before marriage should last a minimum of one year.
The more we know about an individual, the more likely we will become a philo friend. Married love is healthiest when it comes out of a friendship relationship. That's one of the purposes of dating. We get a chance to truly know the one we are going out with. This love is extremely important in finding your life mate. Philo love can be extended to your next door neighbour, a teammate in sports, a fellow worker, someone leading a small group of which you are a member.
Now, how are we led to have this type of love? Not like eros, which is based on physical attraction. Philo is developed character traits and interests become known by you, and you realize that those traits are ones you value. It is good you have other philo friends of your gender. Men tends to be loners. It is encouraging to have several other friends. But you always have to be careful when dealing with ladies who want to be friends when you are married, yes.
Though, we all need to have acquaintances but we also must control our feelings and guard our hearts when it comes to having friends of the opposite gender. No wonder, the saying, a man can never be friends with a woman, without strings attached. No matter how hard you try to pretend it, the feelings must arouse. It's irresistible. There is always a strong connection between the opposites.
The heart is not a vessel to play with because it always goes for what it wants.
Our philo friends bring out the best in us. We love to be around them. They help civilize and inspire us. The genders have their ways to progress from the first meeting to eros. Males tends to go from eros love to philo love, but females often develop philo first and then go to eros love. Your wife or girlfriend might make a statement such as, he grew on me! What she is saying is that she developed eros love after getting to know you as a friend. Even in marriage never forget this need of the woman in your life. Because she wants you to be her number one friend of the opposite.
Philo love can be turned off by the words we use. Words that convey anger, arrogance, self-pity, selfishness, resentment, and mistrust are negatives in your relationship. Guard your philo love with words that encourage, inspire, compliment, and show respect and appreciation.
Agape is the most common word for love. Biblically agape love is the best type of love. I have always wanted to be loved genuinely. Agape love is the type of love I define as a genuine type of love. Love that never hurts the other. That was actually the type of love I wanted from Ndu instead the opposite was the case. Agape love actively seeks to do the right thing always for the partner in the relationship and meet the needs of the loved person. It's never selfish. In this case, your wife. Agape sacrifices personal feelings and needs to meet the needs of your partner or spouse.
In agape we willingly give up our rights, our desires, and our demands to fulfil our partners'. We may come home from work too tired to be kind or romantic to our spouses who need our loving attention. But agape loves moves beyond what we feel like doing. It patiently seeks to discover and meet the needs of the other, no matter what the personal cost may be. So we rise above ourselves and meet the needs of our spouses.
Getters generally don't get happiness; givers get it. You simply give to others a bit of yourself —a thoughtful act, a helpful idea, a word of appreciation, a lift over a rough spot, a sense of understanding, a timely suggestion. You take something out of your mind, garnish in kindness out of your heart and put it into the other fellows mind and heart. Charles H. Burr
It may interest you to know that all facets of love must reside within the boundaries of agape love, if not no love especially as Christians our goal is to embrace and allow agape love to penetrate and rule over the other dimensions of love in our lives. Though still operating in flesh, you cannot move beyond eros and philo love. Though many marriages and relationships can survive on these two dimensions of love alone. Better to know that it's our creator's will for us to allow agape love in marriage. Agape love is the concrete in the foundation of a relationship that is ready to commit life.
It is a general type of love. You can have agape love for not only your partner or spouse but children, parents, neighbours and your fellow believer that also experience an agape with you. However, all these three should be experienced with that one person you wish to marry or are married to but eros love is not ideal love to experience by people who are not yet married. The most important thing is to understand love because the more you understand what love is you will be able to open your heart to love someone and genuinely too.
The best way to fall in love is; by falling in love genuinely without reasons. With this you can relate to the world the true meaning of love.
The other four types of love will be discussed on my next story.
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